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"I should write about this in my LJ" pt 2 AND pt 3
(Intro: Being that I can't seem to make the previous entry appear at the top of the feed and reflect the edits I tried to make, I'm going to continue this in consecutive entries, or "sections" or "parts")

So last week, my college had it's monthly Open-Mic Night, but this one was really being advocated and popularized, and I was planning to go right after my midterm (on which I was certain I was going to do better than I did, I studied pretty hard - thought I would get an A or B, ended up with a 76 pt C - exactly the same score as the LAST midterm which I did zero studying for.)

Anyway, I ended up receiving a concerned/concerning phone message from my mother's neighbor, saying that my parents' dog had escaped but furthermore - more importantly, rather - my mom was unable to communicate this information to any of the parties involved in the "search and rescue", as she was extremely visibly upset on top of her speech ... impediment? disorder? whatever. And the neighbor's two cents was that she should carry an ID card on her, in the same pocket as her cellphone, that has her name, condition, close family member's names and contact #'s, and her physician's #.

I of course could not disagree, so I ditched my plans to go to open-mic night, even though I had come prepared with my guitar and several poems that I printed hastily from past journals. I dutifully made two index card with above-mentioned info, folded one and put it in my not-thankful-enough mother's cellphone case, put the other in the neighbor's mailbox, and sat in my car reading my print-outs as dusk fell.

Each one had my full name and the year it was written at the bottom.

For some fucking reason, the thought passed through my head that maybe I should just let the wind carry these poems, these burdens and pains, away from me and into the hands of others. (my parents' house sits right next to a highschool [the very one I briefly attended, kicking and screaming]) I dumped them out the door and onto the street and drove off.

STUPIDEST DECISION OF MY LIFE. No noticeable repercussions, but halfway home I turned my car around (imagine a cartoon U-turn squeal) and retrieved most of the scattered papers... I can't be sure how many I released, so I'm not sure if I got all of them, but I hope so. Stupid. Stupid. It was a dumb and unrealistic idea to ever read those to a crowd in the first place.

"I should...LJ" Thought #3

(At least) five photos from my flickr account have been selected by Getty Images to be featured as stock photos. I received an invitation from the site, and am currently finalizing the details. Among them are:

Wondering why they picked those? Me too, considering that they could have chosen any of these:

but hey, if Getty Images says jump, even if it's for 20 cents at a time, I'm gonna jump...

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Just so you know, this entry is marked public. Didn't know if you meant it to be so.

You are the most photogenic girl I've ever encountered on LJ. Pretty soon you're going to have stock icons all over LiveJournal!

But you do look a bit underweight. Especially in the one of your back and the one where you're laying down. I hope you're staying healthy. I know how easily a person can move from one obsession to another. And you've struggled too hard to fall.

You inspire me, Joy. Your resilience and determination and self-awareness inspires me.

thanks for having my back =)

I thought I'd switch it up a bit... then again, you don't know what damage publicizing your thoughts has caused until it's already done. Maybe I'll friends-only it again.
In any case, my next entry will most certainly NOT be public, and I REALLY need you to read and respond to it. I'm struggling.

As for my weight - it's always been below average, although it dropped dangerously a few times... the worst was actually the photo above the one where my ribs were showing. I know it looks bad, but those ribs are photo-shop enhanced. The one where my back is showing, I always thought that looked a little bony as well... anyway, these days I'm doing my best to be healthy... it's really difficult to make ends meet, so I don't buy groceries as much as I should, but when I do, I make sure to get nutrient- and protein- high stuff.

Okay, I'm going to write that entry that I alluded to above. I wish you could read it straight out of my mind - articulating this is going to be hard.

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